By EdCaptain editorial desk · Published
“She can’t join. Drawing is my thing.” One child has found an interest they love; now a sibling wants a turn. A parent can feel caught between shutting down a beginner and taking away something the first child treasures.
For children aged 6–12, it helps to make the decision smaller. Liking the same subject does not have to mean using the same equipment, attending every practice together or becoming a permanent pair. Here is a practical way to decide what can overlap and what needs its own space.
Find out what “my thing” means this time
Talk to each child on their own before discussing a class booking. Ask the child who objects, “What are you worried will change if your sister tries drawing?” Wait for a specific answer. Perhaps they want uninterrupted practice, worry about comparisons or do not want to spend club time explaining instructions.
Ask the interested child, “Which part would you like to try?” They might want to sketch plants, use a particular colour or spend time with their sibling. Do not assume you know the reason. Boys Town’s guidance on sibling rivalry recognises that siblings can choose the same activities and recommends listening separately to their experiences.
The answers can change the plan. Wanting to try drawing can be met with paper and pencils; wanting company needs an invitation that the other child can accept or decline. Neither answer makes a child bad or selfish.
Separate the interest from the things around it
A useful family rule is: “You can both enjoy drawing. You still need permission to use someone else’s sketchbook.” Apply it in both directions, regardless of who began the hobby first.
- The interest: Either child can explore it, within age requirements and family limits.
- Personal equipment and work: A special pencil set, notebook, model or unfinished project needs its owner’s permission.
- Shared supplies: Agree on turns, storage and what happens when something runs out.
- Time and company: A child can ask to practise alone or decline to give a lesson.
This distinction follows Parenting SA’s advice to protect special possessions and set clear, fair expectations. It does not require buying matching sets. Ordinary household paper can be shared while each child keeps a separate folder. An adult can manage access to one instrument without making its main user the gatekeeper.
Try the hobby before deciding about the club
Choose a short, affordable introduction that does not depend on the sibling teaching it. Follow the activity provider’s age and equipment requirements; a home introduction does not replace instruction or supervision for an activity that needs them.
- Offer one concrete choice. “Would you like to draw a leaf or a building with me?” Let the interested child choose without asking what their sibling would pick.
- Make the materials arrangement explicit. Say which supplies are shared and which are private before anyone starts.
- Give each child a separate task. They might draw different subjects at opposite ends of a table. Joining the hobby need not mean joining an existing project.
- Check afterwards, separately. Ask, “What would you like to do again?” and “Was there enough space for your own work?” Use their answers to plan the next attempt.
This is a suggested family planning trial, not a test of talent or a method proven to prevent rivalry. A child who loses interest can stop without being accused of copying for attention.
If both want the same class
Ask the provider about age groups, beginner sessions, available places and whether children choose partners independently. Do this before promising a place. Do not enrol a child in an unsuitable group simply to simplify transport.
If separate sessions are affordable and available, they may suit both children. If one shared session is the only workable option, be honest: “I can manage this class on Saturdays. You would each be there as your own person.” Agree that neither child must sit beside, translate for or supervise the other. Adults and instructors remain responsible for support.
When only one place is available, use a clear adult decision: an existing enrolment, a waiting list or a planned later trial. Avoid making siblings compete for the place at home. For help explaining a limit, see fairness without identical treatment.
Keep their progress out of a family contest
Do not ask who drew better or who learned faster. Ask about each child’s own choices: “Which part did you change?” or “What would you like to try next?” If relatives begin ranking them, a brief response can help: “We’re interested in what each of them enjoys.” Our guide to stopping sibling comparisons offers more language for that conversation.
The American Academy of Pediatrics’ sibling guidance recommends respecting differences and keeping individual time with each child. That can be an ordinary conversation on a walk; it does not have to become another paid activity.
Make the agreement usable at their age
Ages 6–9: Keep the plan visible and immediate. Put personal work in separate folders and name today’s arrangement: “These pencils are shared; that sketchbook is Arun’s.” Help a child practise asking to borrow and accepting “not today”. Adults should handle class bookings and disputes about access.
Ages 10–12: Invite each child to propose practice times, borrowing rules and what they want kept private. Let them request a change after trying the arrangement. Do not make the more experienced child responsible for checking the beginner’s progress.
Children can give preferences by pointing, drawing, signing or using their usual communication system. Ask directly rather than treating a sibling as their spokesperson. If ridicule, threats or interference make participation feel unsafe, stop the session, protect the affected child and seek appropriate professional support if the pattern continues.
The goal is a workable arrangement both children understand: room to discover an interest, and room to enjoy it in their own way.
Sources and further reading
- Boys Town: listening to siblings who share activities.
- Parenting SA: possessions, expectations and resolving sibling disagreements.
- American Academy of Pediatrics: respecting differences and individual time.
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