Children are often told to “tell an adult” online, but they also need to know which adult, what will happen next and whether disclosure will cost them every friendship or device. A help-seeking agreement answers those questions before a stressful contact occurs.
The first response matters. Calm listening helps the child share enough information for adults to protect them. Safety comes before a lecture about the rule they may have broken.
Start with a calm conversation
Choose two or three trusted adults and write how to reach them. Practise with ordinary examples: a stranger sends a gift, a friend asks for a password, or someone pressures the child to move to a private chat.
Put these points in the agreement
- Warning signs: Secrecy, rapid friendship, gifts, personal questions, sexual requests, threats and pressure to move platforms all trigger a pause.
- Stop: The child may end the chat, game or call without explaining.
- Block: Use the platform block tool when safe.
- Save: Keep usernames, dates and screenshots when this can be done without saving or redistributing illegal sexual material.
- Tell: Contact a trusted adult promptly, even if the child answered earlier or broke another rule.
- No meeting: Never arrange an in-person meeting or share live location without responsible adult involvement.
- Adult promise: The adult listens, protects privacy, explains next steps and avoids public shaming.
Words you can use
“If an online interaction feels strange, pressuring or secret, you can stop and show me. You will not lose my support because you replied, clicked or made a mistake.”
Children using AAC or limited speech can use a screenshot, agreed symbol or one-word signal. Make the route usable under stress.
Adapt it as children grow
Ages 6–9 need direct supervision and narrow contact lists. Ages 10–12 can practise blocking and reporting. Teenagers need respectful privacy plus clear thresholds for adult involvement, especially sexual pressure, threats, blackmail, money and meetings.
When the agreement is missed
If disclosure comes late, thank the child for telling. Secure accounts, change passwords, preserve necessary evidence and report through the platform or relevant local service. Do not repeatedly question the child in ways that increase distress.
Immediate danger, sexual exploitation, extortion, threats of self-harm or plans to meet require urgent qualified support. Do not forward sexual images of a child, even for evidence; follow local official guidance.
Review the system, not just the child
Update trusted adults and reporting routes when the child changes school, platform or device.
Strengthen the plan with account-security and phishing guidance, the multiplayer gaming agreement and the family screen template.
Rehearse three realistic scenarios
Use low-drama examples and let the child practise the action, not just recite a rule. Scenario one: a familiar player asks for a phone number. Scenario two: someone sends a gift and says the child now owes them. Scenario three: a contact threatens to share a screenshot. The child can point to the warning sign, close the interaction and choose a trusted adult.
Adults should rehearse too. Begin with “Thank you for showing me. You are not handling this alone.” Ask whether the contact is still happening and whether the person knows the child’s location. Avoid promising total secrecy, because safeguarding may require involving another responsible person or service. Instead promise to explain each next step where possible.
Keep the route open after a mistake
A child may have shared a name, sent money, agreed to secrecy or deleted messages before disclosing. That does not transfer responsibility for manipulation to the child. Focus first on immediate risk, accounts, money and emotional support. If there is no emergency, make one change at a time so the child can understand it.
Check in again later. Online coercion can leave shame, fear or worry about peer reactions even after the account is blocked. Persistent distress, sleep disruption, withdrawal or fear deserves support from an appropriate health, school or safeguarding professional.
