Age guide: 4–9 years. Adapt suggestions to your child’s interests, communication and support needs.
Your child tells you a friend cried at school. “I didn’t know what to do,” they say. They do not need the perfect comforting sentence. A few simple options can make the next moment feel less confusing.
The aim is to offer company or help, while leaving the friend room to choose.
1. Start with a small question
Practise something your child would actually say: “Want me to sit here?” or “Shall I get the teacher?” A nod or a gesture can work when talking feels awkward.
Do not insist that they ask why the friend is upset. The person may not want to explain, and another child is not entitled to the full story.
2. Offer help rather than a forced cheer-up
“You can play with us if you want” leaves a choice. “Stop crying, it’s only a game” can make a friend feel that their feelings are inconvenient.
- Make room nearby.
- Offer to find a trusted adult.
- Ask whether the friend wants company or space.
- Invite them back to play without demanding that they smile first.
The American Academy of Pediatrics includes comforting classmates and welcoming others among everyday ways children can practise kindness. Your child can choose a small action they feel able to manage.
3. Leave touch to the person receiving it
Some children welcome a hug; others do not. Teach your child to ask, and to accept no without taking offence. Sitting beside someone can be plenty.
Make the same allowance for your child. They do not have to hug or perform affection to prove that they care.
4. Know when an adult needs to take over
If someone is hurt, frightened, being bullied or says something that makes your child worry about their safety, help them identify an adult to tell promptly. They should not promise to keep an unsafe situation secret.
Your child can stay kind without becoming the person responsible for solving the problem. At school, teachers and safeguarding staff have responsibilities children do not.
5. Check how your child felt afterwards
Ask: “Was it hard seeing them upset?” Listen without turning the conversation into a score for how helpful they were. Sometimes a child needs comfort after offering it.
If a friend is often distressed, you can speak with the relevant adult rather than asking your child to monitor them. Being a good friend does not mean carrying someone else’s wellbeing alone.
A useful message to leave with your child is simple: “You can care, offer a little help and get a grown-up. You do not have to fix every feeling.”
Try next
- Kind and clear: helping your child say no without being unkind
- Kindness that fits a Tuesday: small family habits that matter
