Ask a group to name everything they have in common, and then everything that makes each of them genuinely different, and watch how both lists end up being considerably longer, and more interesting, than anyone expected. Same Really, Different Really helps a group hold both truths about each other at once.
Why this matters
Children sometimes default to one of two extremes when thinking about people from different backgrounds: either insisting everyone’s “really the same underneath,” which can quietly erase genuine, meaningful differences, or focusing only on differences in a way that emphasises division. A more honest, useful view holds both at once: real shared humanity, and real, worthwhile differences, without needing to flatten either one.
What you need
Paper and pens for each participant. A large flip chart or shared sheet for the group’s combined list.
How to play
Split into small groups and give each one two headings on a shared sheet: “Things we have in common” and “Things that make us different.” Spend several minutes brainstorming for each list, encouraging genuine specifics rather than vague generalities, “we all have families” is true but thin; “we all have a tradition our family keeps that matters to us, even though the traditions themselves are different” captures both the common ground and the real difference at once.
Bring the small groups back together and compare lists. Talk through any items that appear on both lists at once, something that’s both a genuine commonality (everyone has one) and a genuine difference (they’re not at all the same).
The conversation worth having
Ask directly: did making this list change how you think about the people in this group? Is it possible for two things to both be true, we’re genuinely alike in some ways, and genuinely different in others, without one cancelling out the other?
Why holding both truths matters
A group that only focuses on sameness can end up subtly pressuring everyone to downplay real, meaningful parts of their own background in order to fit in. A group that only focuses on difference can start to feel divided into separate camps rather than one shared group. Naming both explicitly, and letting them sit alongside each other without needing to resolve into one simple answer, tends to produce a genuinely more honest, more comfortable sense of belonging for everyone involved.
Two lists, built together and compared honestly, give a group real, concrete language for something that’s often only discussed in vague, well-meaning generalities, and the specific items that land on both lists at once are usually the most interesting of all.
