By EdCaptain editorial desk · Published
Your child announces that they want to enter the school talent show. They are excited; you are imagining missed notes, forgotten steps and an uncomfortable audience. Should you encourage them, or protect them from a performance you think will go badly?
For children aged 6–12, start with what this particular event requires. A willing child does not have to look like a polished performer to take part in an open school showcase. An audition, a dangerous act or an unmanageable commitment calls for a different decision. You can support your child while being honest about all three.
Find out what they want from the show
Ask, “What would you enjoy about doing this?” They may want to dance with a friend, share a joke, play a short tune or try being on stage. You may be judging whether they could win while they are imagining a fun afternoon with classmates.
If winning matters to them, acknowledge it: “You would really like a prize. We can prepare your entry, but we cannot choose the result.” Avoid promising applause, selection or a confidence boost. The American Academy of Pediatrics’ guidance on healthy self-esteem emphasises realistic expectations, meaningful choices and supportive feedback. Those principles leave room for an imperfect performance.
Ask the organiser before becoming the judge
Read the invitation together. If it is unclear, contact the teacher or organiser rather than relying on last year’s stories. Check:
- Entry: Is everyone welcome, or are there auditions and limited places? What are the actual selection criteria?
- Requirements: What are the time limit, content rules, rehearsal dates and equipment arrangements?
- Access: Can a child sit, use a communication aid, perform with a partner or receive a cue? What support is available backstage?
- Care: Who supervises children, handles unkind audience behaviour and helps someone who wants to stop?
- Publicity: Will anyone record or post the show? What choices do families and children have?
Our guide to checking a children’s competition before entering is useful if this extends beyond an ordinary school event. Do not assume every showcase has the same rules or safeguards.
Replace “talented enough?” with a concrete readiness check
With your child’s agreement, watch one short run-through. Use the organiser’s requirements as the reference. Can the act fit the time? Is the material allowed? Can the child use the space and equipment safely with the agreed support? Do they still want to participate after understanding what will happen?
Keep those questions separate from whether you personally enjoy their singing or would have chosen the same dance. Missing a note is different from planning a stunt without suitable supervision. Needing a visual cue is different from being unprepared.
Choose a response that names the real issue:
- Support the entry: “This fits the show’s rules, and you want to do it. Let’s send the form.”
- Offer one manageable change: “The limit is two minutes. Which section would you like to keep?”
- Pause for a specific reason: “That trick is unsafe in this setting. We can ask about a different act.”
Cost and transport limits count too. “We can attend the rehearsal, but we cannot buy a costume” is a clear boundary. “You are not good enough to spend money on” turns a practical decision into a verdict about the child.
Give honest feedback without taking over
If your child asks, “Was I good?”, clarify what they want: “Do you want to tell me how it felt, or would you like one suggestion?” You do not need to announce that they are brilliant or list every weakness.
A useful response might be, “I could hear the opening clearly. Near the end, I lost some words. Would you like to try that part more slowly?” Keep it accurate and specific. Our article on honest, specific praise offers more examples.
If asked whether they will win, say you cannot know. If asked for technical advice you cannot give, admit that too. A music or drama teacher may be able to suggest one achievable adjustment; the request need not become an expensive coaching programme.
Keep the preparation small enough to remain theirs
Agree what help the family can offer: perhaps finding the permitted backing track, timing the act once and checking the rehearsal date. Then let the child make the creative choices. Do not rewrite the whole routine overnight to protect yourself from embarrassment.
For ages 6–9: help turn the requirements into a few visible steps: choose the act, check its length, pack what is needed. A simple drawing can mark where to start and finish. Offer two workable options instead of an open-ended demand to “make it better”.
For ages 10–12: let the child draft the message to the organiser, check the deadline and choose which feedback to use. Ask how much practice they want you to watch. Respect a request for privacy while keeping adult responsibility for safety and arrangements.
For either age group, discuss access needs privately with the child and organiser. Support should enable their chosen contribution, not require them to hide a disability or copy another child’s performance style. Protect sleep, ordinary play and downtime; AAP advice on avoiding unhealthy perfectionism stresses balance and acceptance beyond results.
Stay on their side when the result arrives
After the show, begin with “How was that for you?” rather than an instant review. If an audition is unsuccessful, acknowledge disappointment before discussing another opportunity. Do not promise the judges were wrong or insist that the child feels proud immediately.
If classmates mock the performance, ask the school to address the behaviour. Do not use teasing as proof that the child should never have entered. Ask before sharing a recording, including with relatives. Taking part on stage does not automatically mean agreeing to an online audience.
If their excitement turns into fear, revisit the plan with them and the organiser. Participation should not become a punishment for having signed up. Seek advice from a healthcare professional or school counsellor if distress persists or disrupts sleep, school or everyday life. Your steady message can remain simple: “I’m interested in what you want to try. The result will not change how I feel about you.”
Sources and further reading
- American Academy of Pediatrics: Building Blocks for Healthy Self Esteem in Kids
- American Academy of Pediatrics: Perfectionism—How to Help Your Child Avoid the Pitfalls
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