Children who witness bullying often know something is wrong but freeze because they fear becoming a target or making things worse. Being an upstander does not always mean confrontation. It means choosing a safe action that reduces isolation and gets help.
Offer a menu of safe actions
- Get help: find a teacher, coach or trusted adult.
- Support later: sit with the child, walk with them or send a kind message.
- Interrupt safely: invite the child away when there is no immediate danger.
- Report online: save evidence, report the post and refuse to like or share.
- Join others: act with a friend rather than alone.
Tell your child clearly: “You never have to put your body in danger.” Weapons, serious threats, violence or sexual harm require immediate adult and emergency help.
Practise small scripts
Try “Come sit with us,” “Let’s get an adult,” or “I’m not sharing that.” A quiet child may prefer walking with the targeted peer afterward. A child who communicates nonverbally can use a signal or written message to an adult.
When reporting feels risky
Explain that reporting is about safety, not popularity or punishment. Ask which adult feels trustworthy and how they want to approach them. If the first adult does not respond, help them try another. Keep dates and facts, especially when a pattern continues.
Support the witness too
Thank your child for telling you and ask how seeing the event affected them. Do not pressure them to retell it publicly. Praise the safe action: “You noticed someone was alone and got help.” Children may need reassurance, routine and time after witnessing frightening behaviour.
Keep responsibility with adults
Children can help, but they do not carry responsibility for stopping a whole bullying pattern. Schools and adults must supervise, investigate and protect those involved.
Related: friendship trouble versus bullying and specific praise.
Practise online upstanding too
Online, a child can help without adding attention to harmful content. They can avoid reacting, capture evidence, report privately and contact the targeted person away from the public thread. Remind them not to investigate unknown accounts or preserve illegal material themselves. Adults should take over serious reports.
