Children can admire an athlete’s discipline, a creator’s humour or a singer’s confidence. Admiration becomes more useful when it is specific. Instead of deciding whether a famous person is wholly “good” or “bad,” help a child name the quality they value and examine the choices that express it.
Ask what, exactly, they admire
Try: “What did this person do that impressed you?” “Who helped them?” “How do they treat people with less power?” A child who says “They are successful” may mean brave, skilled, generous, stylish or widely noticed. Each answer opens a different conversation.
Separate talent from character. Someone can be excellent at sport or music without being a reliable guide for relationships, money or health. A role model can offer one useful example without becoming a complete template for life.
Use the VALUES lens
- Values: What principles appear in their actions?
- Actions: What did they do repeatedly, not just say once?
- Limits: What do we not know from edited public content?
- Unearned advantages: What help, access or luck mattered?
- Learning: How do they respond to mistakes or criticism?
- Shared credit: Do they recognise teams, families and communities?
This is not a background investigation for every interest. Use it occasionally so children learn to admire with curiosity rather than surrendering judgment.
Offer a wide shelf of examples
Include family members, neighbours, teachers, artists, scientists, carers, craftspeople, activists and people with different bodies, cultures and ways of communicating. Do not imply that only extraordinary public achievement counts. Reliability, care and honest work are worth seeing.
UNICEF’s parenting resources emphasise that children learn from how adults handle relationships, stress and daily behaviour. Your own apology or patient practice may be more influential than a speech about famous heroes.
Notice the business around fame
Public figures often appear through edited posts, advertising and fan communities. Ask what is being sold and what the audience cannot see. The guide to hidden ads and persuasive design helps children examine influencer recommendations without mocking their interests.
Parasocial relationships—one-sided feelings of connection with a media figure—can be meaningful. The American Psychological Association notes that these connections can influence learning and identity. They need not be treated as fake; children still benefit from distinguishing a curated persona from a reciprocal friendship.
Turn admiration into a small experiment
If a child admires persistence, choose a week-long practice goal. If they admire community service, help with one local task. If they admire creative courage, share a drawing with a trusted audience. Ask afterward what felt difficult and who offered support.
The goal is not imitation. Say, “You can learn from how she prepares without needing her style or career.” The article on sharing achievement without bragging can help a child celebrate growth honestly.
Make room for disagreement
A child may admire someone you dislike. Ask questions before giving a verdict, unless there is immediate harmful content. Explain your concern with evidence: “I like the creativity too. I’m concerned that this person humiliates people for views.” That preserves dialogue.
Adapt by age
- Ages 3–5: Use story characters and people the child knows. Ask, “What kind thing did they do?”
- Ages 6–9: Compare two strengths and notice helpers behind an achievement.
- Ages 10–12: Discuss editing, sponsorship and the difference between popularity and trust.
- Teens: Explore contradictions, power, evidence and how identity shapes admiration.
A healthy role model does not have to be perfect. The useful question is whether a child can name a value, examine the evidence and decide how to practise it in their own life.
