By EdCaptain editorial desk · Published
General educational guidance. No qualified clinical review is recorded for this article. Health and safety information.
Your child asks to see their parent in intensive care. You may want to say yes immediately, or worry that the room will be too frightening. The useful first step is a conversation with the bedside team, followed by a clear explanation your child can understand.
This guide is for supporting children aged 6–12 before, during and after a possible visit. It does not decide whether a particular child should enter a particular unit. The patient’s condition, the ward’s rules, your child’s wishes and the support available all matter.
Speak with the unit before making a promise
UCLH asks families to talk to the bedside nurse before bringing children, so staff can help decide whether a visit is suitable that day and how to prepare. Contact the unit caring for your parent or partner rather than assuming that another hospital’s arrangements apply.
Ask:
- Is a child’s visit possible today, and what might change that decision?
- What will our child see and hear? Can someone help explain it?
- What are the infection precautions and restrictions on visitors or belongings?
- Who can accompany the child, and where can we go if they need to leave?
Tell staff about communication, sensory or mobility needs beforehand. If your child uses an interpreter or communication device, ask how to keep that support available. Check again when you arrive; care needs may have changed.
Find out what your child imagines
Before describing equipment, ask, “What do you think the room might be like?” A child may expect a parent to be sitting up and talking, or imagine something they saw in a television programme. Their answer gives you a starting point.
Use the explanation the treating team has helped you prepare. If the illness itself has not yet been explained, start with our guide to talking about a serious illness in the family. A visit should not be the child’s first unexpected discovery that their parent is very ill.
The NHS overview of intensive care describes an unfamiliar setting with monitoring equipment, tubes and bleeps. Patients may look different, seem drowsy or not respond as the child expects. Ask the nurse which details apply today; do not describe every possible machine.
For example: “There are machines beside Mum’s bed that help the staff care for her. The nurse will explain them. She may not be able to talk with us.” Use only facts the team has confirmed. Avoid promising that the visit will make the parent wake up or get better.
Offer a choice without making it a test of love
Chelsea and Westminster’s guidance says not to force a child to visit. A child can miss their parent and still feel unsure about entering the room.
Try: “You can tell me what you would like to do. We also need to check with the nurses.” Do not say, “They need you to be brave,” or imply that a refusal will hurt the parent’s feelings. Make room for questions before asking for a decision.
If a visit cannot happen, ask staff about another way to connect, such as sending a drawing or a short recorded message. Check what can be brought in or played. Explain that the parent may not be able to reply. Keep the invitation open without asking your child to produce a message on demand.
Make leaving straightforward
Agree on a simple way to request a break: a spoken phrase, a raised hand or a signal your child already uses. Tell them which adult will leave with them and where you will go. Practise the request once if that helps.
If possible, arrange another trusted adult to support the visit. One person may need to stay with the patient while another takes the child out. If you are the only accompanying adult, discuss a workable arrangement with staff before entering. Do not leave the child alone in a corridor or waiting room.
Ask the team about an appropriate initial visit length. Leave earlier if needed, and follow staff instructions if care interrupts the visit. Staying longer is not an achievement your child needs to earn.
At the bedside, let staff lead on safety
Follow the unit’s hand-cleaning and infection-control instructions. UCLH advises against visiting when unwell and asks visitors not to sit on the bed or touch medical equipment. Call the unit if you are unsure whether symptoms or an exposure affect the visit.
Stay with your child throughout. Ask the nurse before touching the patient or offering a cuddle, especially where there are tubes or injuries. Your child can simply stand nearby; they do not have to touch, talk or perform cheerfulness.
If your child notices a bleep or a movement they do not understand, ask staff to explain. Avoid interpreting monitors yourself or guaranteeing that an alarm is harmless.
Adjust the preparation to your child
Ages 6–9: describe the immediate sequence: meet the nurse, clean hands, enter with the adult, then leave together. Use a few pictures or written words if helpful. Let your child choose whether to bring an approved drawing, and keep explanations short enough to take in.
Ages 10–12: offer more detail when requested and ask which questions they would prefer to put to staff. Agree what school or friends may be told. They still need adult accompaniment and must not become responsible for monitoring the parent or carrying medical updates between relatives.
For either age, preserve the child’s usual way of communicating. Silence does not prove that they understand, feel calm or want to continue.
Leave space for questions afterwards
The ICUsteps parent information hosted by Royal United Hospitals encourages ongoing explanations and opportunities to talk, including after intensive care. Ask gently, “Was anything different from what you expected?” Correct misunderstandings without asking your child to describe every moment.
Return to ordinary routines where possible and tell school enough to arrange support. If your child does not want a conversation, our guide to keeping connection open when children do not want to talk offers alternatives.
Ask the ICU team about family support if coping is difficult. Seek qualified child mental-health support for distress that persists or disrupts sleep, school or daily life. If you cannot keep your child safe or there is immediate danger, seek local emergency help; urgent mental-health concerns need prompt professional assessment, as outlined in NHS urgent-help guidance.
Sources and further reading
- UCLH: visiting critical care
- Chelsea and Westminster Hospital: children visiting intensive care
- NHS: what intensive care involves
- ICUsteps: information for parents or carers, hosted by Royal United Hospitals
- NHS: urgent mental-health help
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